As I read more about mediums, psychics and consciousness research, it seems to me that my psychic experiences and communications with my husband after his death weave all those realms of insight together into a unique vision of life and God working with each other. I started from absolute zero, believing the Christianity I was taught in Church to be nothing more than a relict of Western culture. Religion and faith were interesting only as widespread social supports that seemed to have useful meanings and functions. Neither I nor anyone in my immediate family believed in anything supernatural, including God. The people I did know who believed in God or any other spiritual hocus pocus, I considered charmingly eccentric. And in my job as a fashion model and an actress I met many eccentric people of varying degrees and types of faith. I don’t think it’s an accident that most artists have some sort of faith in higher powers. The very act of creating art can be interpreted as a gesture to the unseen and unknown all around us and inside us. Creating art also requires faith that human feelings and insights are valuable, in and of themselves.
So the journey of my life has been from what I considered normal person to confirmed eccentric believer. Since my habit was always to dismiss or rationalize away all the psychic and ghostly events that happened to me, it was only when I started seeing the future while I was wide awake that I was forced to confront the reality that something scientifically and physically impossible was happening all around me.
But it didn’t stop there. Having no preconceptions of what the universe consisted of or what might be going on, I approached the things that happened to me from a very analytical point of view. The working model I have created of the universe and God is based solely on my life and my experiences, which proved to me that in this real world there is another equally real world all around us. It is a spiritual universe where there are secrets to success and happiness, as in the popular book The Secret, but these are secrets more likely to be found in your understanding of your heart, which you gain from Grimm’s Fairy Tales, The Tales of the Arabian Nights of Scheherazade and all the various religious books and traditions that quest for the spiritual life and God. There is also a scientific Field of Intent, as in that book The Field, but that intent is much more elusive and more likely to be discovered in a movie or in the story of your life than what you think you intend.
It seems to me that in order to believe in God, you have to believe in the supernatural. Once I accepted that supernatural things were happening to me, all Christ's miracles and his resurrection were believable as real events in this world, not dusty mythology of dead cultures.
Finally, I have learned to believe in a universal Santa Claus, but it’s a very long and difficult trek to find him. He doesn’t live at the North Pole by accident. Therefore, it’s very beneficial that he comes every year at Christmas to give us gifts and remind us that while it may be more blessed to give than to receive, it is frequently more difficult to receive than to give and almost impossible to trust that you made his good boy and girl list.
It’s been a long, sad, laughing, happy, tragic journey in this world for me, but my life has been rich beyond imagining. My experiences have been crazy unlikely, but have proved absolutely that we do survive as ourselves in the great beyond, and that there is more to our being than we even know as we live our lives. I have tried to share these experiences in Fifty Shades of Gray Hair so they will have the same impact on your consciousness as they had on mine. Like the rainbow inside of crystal, I see all the colors and feel them, too, now.