In the last few minutes of this video, Lucy says things about her marriage to Ricky that are exactly what I figured out about my marriage to Tom, which I have written about in FIFTY SHADES.
Barbara Walters says people don't understand what went wrong in their marriage. Ricky drank and cheated. Lucy poignantly says that she couldn't understand what went wrong, either. They had everything. What more could you ask for? This is exactly what I felt when I found out that Tom had been a lifelong cheater. Why? We were so happy. We had everything. But I got my answer from the world of spirit. No, I'm not crazy, just a little bit psychic. Lucy obviously still loves Ricky every bit as much as I still love Tom. But.
Lucy says that Ricky was a loser. Nobody knows better than Lucy that Ricky was about the smartest, richest guy in Hollywood, so he was anything but a loser. But she adds, "He had to lose. He won at everything and then he had to lose. He had to fail. Everything he built, he had to break down."
Tom was just like that, too. Everything good that ever happened to him, he had to throw away. Finally, he threw away his life. It was mystifying, until he started showing me things in dreams to explain why.
Lucy then says something that I have also felt so strongly about my marriage. She says that with her new husband she has a home that is lived in. She and Desi had lots of houses, but they didn't have a home.
We didn't have lots of houses, but the same is true. We never had a home, a place where we loved and supported each other. Tom always seemed to have one foot out the door. He was always running away from home.
It took me many months of thought and research to finally understand why Tom why did these things, because, like Ricky, Tom was a smart guy who could have had it all, but he had to throw it all away. It's a psychological complex that seems to persist in the afterlife. All this is explored in FIFTY SHADES in greater detail.
I am so grateful to Lucy, not only for her brilliant comedy, but for her honesty about her love for Ricky/Desi and her experiences. Sometimes I feel very alone with my strange memories of a man I loved who did such self destructive and difficult to understand things.